Cynical about dating

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I used to never understand people who would wax poetic about the beginnings of relationships.They’d go on about how much they loved the new-ness of everything — the first kiss, the first time they had sex, the first time they realized their partner hated the same things they hate.And I’ve only spent about three of those years in “serious” relationships, which I define as “we call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, you’ve met my parents, and we’ve gotten into at least two huge fights that didn’t end in a breakup.” The other seven-ish have been spent single, bobbing between different levels of non-relationships.In fact, my mother and I calculated and decided that, in 2015, I’d gone on something like 70 dates.I have been writing a series of blogs on dating practices. Some people respond by telling me about a success they have had; but the greater number of comments argue against my suggestions, and against the prospect of dating altogether.

With couples growing increasingly cynical of love and life, the very idea of amorous relationships lies in jeopardy.These responses, and other similar comments I have heard from patients, divide unevenly into two groups: Most of these men and women, many of whom have responded anonymously, state plainly that all of the people they have dated are miserable human beings. I don’t mean, can we believe that all men are rotten human beings, the kind of thing you would find in a cesspool. Probably no generalization about men and women, favorable or unfavorable, would be entirely accurate.“Men HATE and FEAR confident women.” “Men only want beauty queens.” “All men want is sex,” (this from a 60-year-old woman,) “Women just want a meal-ticket,” “Women like to ridicule men and make them feel small.” “I have been internet dating for 8 years. There are decent men and women who behave decently.According to Brandon Wade, negotiating these kinds of "arrangements" is the future of dating, and that might be partly true.But I still think there are people out there, people who didn't luck out in looks, or in money, or can no longer believably claim to be twenty-something, who still have plenty of value to bring to the table.

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